A Consistently Inconsistent Christmas
I woke up this morning, a Sunday in the middle of November, and it felt like Christmas. Nothing about the day or the environment would have indicated it – there wasn’t a tree, presents, amazing food, or family around – but those are media reverie of Christmas, not mine or the truth of it for many. The reality is that the holiday is there to serve, void of any specification or requirements around what it looks like. For some folks, it offers something that we’re longing for. I realise I believe what I do about Christmas the same thing I believe about home: it’s a feeling.
When I get up its chilly and I put on a big sweater and turn on the space heater in my room before I go downstairs. My house is quiet, everyone’s asleep. When I look outside the window, it’s empty except for a woman walking her dog. There is frost formulating on the sidewalk and feathering over the front windshield of all the cars along the street. Everything in the air feels still and silent, full of an early morning chill and the Sunday morning release of nowhere to be.
From the kitchen there are slivers of early morning light filtering in through the window, evidence of the sun waking up and summoning the day. I keep the lights off, enjoying the soft light as I set about making coffee. Filling the pot with hot water and freshly ground beans, I leave it to brew while I warm up oat milk and find a mug. When I have a warm cup between my hands filled with fresh coffee, I fold myself under a warm blanket in the living room and that’s when I find the words for this feeling that’s embraced me like a warm hug: the holidays
Christmas makes me nostalgic, but I think that’s a common experience. It reminds me of memories from my childhood the most, filled with my youthful passion and excitement for the holiday, an excitement that might have matured and become better understood but hasn’t wavered. Mostly it makes me think of moments, strung together like the lights on the tree and all tied together with a bow in my mind and the fact that it’s this particular festive season.
Never has the holiday looked entirely the same for my family. But much like home, we’ve adapted it to wherever we might be. Together we craft a version of the holiday that always feels like Christmas, even if it looks wildly different every time. Sometimes these versions have been filled with people and festivities, and sometimes they’ve just been us three.
At some point during the holiday season, my mom always makes a big bowl of her famous guacamole. The recipe is simple but it’s her making it that makes it amazing. The three of us sit on the couch and probably watch Love Actually (the one and only holiday movie my Dad will watch) with the whole bowl of guacamole and a big bag of tortilla chips for dinner. We’ll spend Christmas morning going for a hike because we always feel better for it. Especially when the rest of the day is spent between the couch and bed with a book or watching more movies. We usually give each other a few gifts, but the older I’ve become the more we’ve all realised how much we don’t just want more things; we’d rather have meaningful and fulfilling experiences. The one and only thing we always do is exchange books on Christmas Eve. This is one of my favourite parts: heading to bed, wrapped in the final hours of pre-Christmas energy, to dive into a new adventure between fresh pages.
We’ve done these things in our little Massachusetts suburban home with my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We’ve done it in our home with the entirety of my Dad’s side of the family in the middle of a renovation when we moved to Arizona. For a while, the three of us traveled back to Massachusetts every year to be with our family there. One year, my dad was in Africa and my mom and I lived with my grandmother for a month. Another year the whole family went to a hotel. Recently, it’s just been us three in whatever house or apartment my parents were currently living in.
While so much of the holiday is loud and filled with lovely things, some of my favourite moments come in reaction to all of that, to the moments of stillness in-between, like that early morning on Christmas Day feeling. To me, it feels like the first snowfall, some sort of untouched magic that has been offered and is just waiting to be received. Existing in the silence and appreciation for it, that is one of my favourite ways to be. It’s also always the most consistent. No matter what, these moments exist somewhere in the tangle of whatever is happening.
Normally I’m someone who loves consistency and sometimes struggles with lots of change, but what I’ve learned to love about a constantly inconsistent Christmas is the ability to wake up in the middle of November and be filled with the same heartwarming joy that I might feel in that hour on Christmas Day. Just because as far as our celebration goes, we just as well could be celebrating today. It’s those consistent moments on in-between. When you find them, it stops being about the holiday and more about how they make you feel.
Some things that feel like Christmas as inspiration for you to find some all your own (regardless of what this holiday might look like for you)
- Baking cookies (and drinking them with tea/coffee/hot chocolate)
- Watching an endless stream of Christmas movies (my favourites are The Family Stone and The Santa Clause 2)
- Walking outside all bundled up (made even better with a hot beverage)
- Filling the whole house/apartment/room with Christmas tree lights (it instantly makes doing anything in that space feel more festive)
- Reading tons of fiction books
- Getting inspired to make craft projects for everyone and anyone I know
- Wrapping things to give to people
- Making cozy meals (often a lot of pasta dishes, curry, and soup with vegan grilled cheese)
- Making something that would always exist on our family’s holiday table (for me, that’s my Mom’s famous guacamole)
- Waking up early to make pancakes with tons of toppings and eating them in my pyjamas from the couch with a Christmas movie and a cup of tea
- Writing cards full of well wishes to send to friends and family
Mia Krabbendam
Mia is a graphic designer and maker living between Boston and LA.
If you enjoyed this post, you might also like Fall and To Coffee