This is Birth
It’s powerful.
Vulnerable.
Wild.
Graceful.
Natural.
Other-wordly.
Sacred.
Emotionally, mentally and physically expansive.
Few other life experiences can fully engage all of our senses wholly and force us to tune into our primal instincts.
In-between two worlds.
A dance between trust and surrender.
A rite of passage.
This is Birth.
As a doula*, I meet women and their partners, if they have one, and help them to know their choices about labour, birth and the postnatal period. I often tell potential clients that if they are looking for a doula who is going to tell them that a positive birth can only be achieved by giving birth under a full moon in the middle of a forest with wolves howling then I am not the right doula for them.
It’s important that any birth preparation course provides information about all types of births. Any birth can be a positive one and often the difference between a positive birth and a traumatic birth is, simply, kindness and love. The ideal birthworker, whether midwife, doula, obstetrician, maternity nurse or consultant, is fluent in both the language of science and common sense, and views her or himself as being in a position of service, not as a master. The power lies with the mama-to-be. The birth team’s role is to provide evidence and common-sense based options and to keep her and baby safe, not excluding emotional and mental safety.
Birth (and death) is a rite of passage that we all go through. You can tell a lot about a country’s views on human rights by their birth statistics. I say human rights because birth isn’t just a women’s rights issue: women give birth to males too,and birth rights also include paternity leave. Most of my clients have heard me say that if I was Prime Minister in the UK, the first rule that I would change is to increase paternity leave. Two weeks is the standard and compulsory leave that is granted to partners. It’s a very short-sighted ‘benefit’ that doesn’t support equality in relationships, doesn’t value women’s contributions to the family or workplace and undermines the value a strong bond with a father or other parent can have and the short or long-term effects of this on self-esteem, families and society.
An even bigger issue is that the MBRRACE 2018 and 2019 reports state that although the rates of maternal mortality are low, Black and Asian women are five times and two times, respectively, more likely to die during the perinatal phase, compared to White women. In the UK. Currently.
This reality does not entirely have much to do with Black and Asian bodies, culture, diet, breastfeeding rates or illness predispositions. It has more to do with racism and bias. Black and Asian women’s symptoms are often overlooked and disbelieved. Black midwives are often bullied by their seniors at work. Black babies are more likely to survive if they are treated by Black doctors.
Birth is a microcosm of society. Where there is patriarchy, fear, restrictions, racism, dictatorship, human rights violations, you can see this reflected in the birth culture at the time. At the beginning of lockdown I was worried about the Coronavirus-related effects more than the virus itself. In the six months since lockdown I have heard of more babies needing urgent medical care, more miscarriages, stillbirths, postnatal depression and violations of human rights in the birth room than I have in almost eight years of doing this work. Even as restrictions are being lifted in all other areas of life such as work, travel, gatherings and shopping, women are sometimes being forced to give birth on their own. Although at the time of writing this piece you can have up to 30 guests at your wedding post-lockdown, women in labour are not allowed to have two birth partners in most hospitals. Even partners from the same household are being restricted to attend appointments together. It seems that common sense is not that common.
Sometimes our grandparents forget what they had for lunch yesterday as they grow older but they always remember how they were treated when they had their babies. It stays with you and can change the rest of your life. Science has proven how environment and cortisol levels at the beginning of life play a major role in development and decision-making in later life.
I sometimes imagine what I would tell my doula babies about how they came into the world: ‘If you knew of the energy, effort, determination, preparation, creation of heart and home space, trust, surrender and hours that it took to ensure your safe passage into this world you would hopefully never doubt your worthiness. I hope the world does not give you a reason to have low or no self-esteem because in those moments before, during and after birth you were wanted. Heaven and Earth moved to have you here.’
I have had the honour of being the first person a client has disclosed sexual abuse to. The privilege of women feeling safe enough to trust me at their most vulnerable and the trust parents give you when they hand you their babies and ask you to look after them while they catch up on some much-needed sleep is truly humbling. It feels like somebody handing over their heart to you. I have never felt so protective as I do when someone hands me their baby or when wearing a baby. Although they don’t yet understand words, I sometimes imagine my energy communicating with theirs and telling them what an honour it is to have them in this life, that the world is ready and grateful to receive what they have come here to teach us and just beam love and acceptance into them. I think most people attempt to do that. And the babies get it. Have you seen the ridiculous faces that grown adults will pull just to make a baby smile?
*The word doula is a Greek word meaning female slave, who is the person who would’ve have been with the mother at birth . Unfortunately it has caught on to describe this work. A more appropriate term is “birthkeeper”.
Thando Zwane