ordinary Kindness
I grew up in Torbay. It was a great childhood and life started off refreshing and magical. Then, my parents had a difficult divorce, which led to my mum, sister and me moving around a lot. We lived in lots of different social housing which meant that I really got a taste for the different communities that live in Torbay. If you don’t know Torbay, this coastline is nicknamed The English Riviera. It’s an area that’s driven and built on tourism, so in the summer months there’s money and jobs for people, but then in the winter everything disappears, and you’re left with the pieces of people and communities. The winter period can be difficult, both emotionally and financially, to make money stretch, which unfortunately not everyone is able to do.
As a child I didn’t really appreciate what the ‘summer trade’ was. We spent so much time down at the beach and it was busy everywhere. I just assumed everyone down there lived here. It’s only as an adult when you see that difficult time when the Christmas period comes, it’s windy and it’s stormy. All the beach huts and seasonal trade huts have moved from the beach, and you’re left with the deserted seafront. It can create the same kind of isolated feelings in yourself and in the community.
So, in the summer you have to take advantage of everything that living here on the coast brings. Whether you’ve got a paddle board to paddle out in the bay, or you’re cycling along the coastal path or you’re going for walks. Summer makes me feel so much fitter, healthier, I feel happy go lucky and like I’m living my best life, like my mental health is at its ultimate point. Although during the winter period things are changing, a lot of my friends are braving cold water experiences in the hope of recreating some of the summer feelings, and helping their mental health too.
Over the last ten years I have been trying to address some of these issues created by tourism and seasonal work, by creating spaces and havens for people, facilitating conversations and building community. We’ve opened a not-for-profit coffee shop based on those principles, we have a lot of young people who are unemployed or people with learning disabilities who work with us. Our learning programme helps them develop skills to help them feel valued as part of the community. When we opened the café it was like us saying “here’s our living room, come and sit in it with us”. We want to try and ensure these deep-rooted connections in the community are there for people through the summer and wintertime. Years ago I used to run a community centre and we could never understand why we’d only get some of the community coming along. With the café we’ve really tried to create a space for everyone, which is approachable, inclusive and affordable. A space for people to feel ‘this is where I am in the winter and I enjoy living here just as much as when it’s high season’. A space where people can really connect with each other.
When I was about 18 years old things were going horribly wrong for me and I had to figure out, “what do I love to do?” I realised I love people and I love feeling part of a community. That’s when I started doing some youth and support work. I slowly began to find my way. I began to realise that even though seasonal work is better paid it wasn’t about that for me. It was about creating good feelings, finding good and feeling that good every day. Over time I navigated my way into community work and that’s where I have really found my own haven. As with many other seaside towns there’s a lot of poverty and deprivation here in Torbay, community work continues through the busy and the quiet parts of the year. It’s making a real difference to people and largely trying to reignite the idea that we can have great community and culture all year round. It’s work that I’ve fallen in love with.
I’ve experienced the power of kindness myself, during difficult periods of my life. I had a great football coach who really helped me, and I’ve had other people just pop up and be that support. I’ve realised that I want to be the person that I always needed as a younger kid. This is what I try to do through community work, it’s just ‘ordinary kindness’ but it’s helped me see that I can really make a difference just by being me, in fact it’s helped me to find me.
I’ve spent the last year making a documentary called ‘Ordinary Kindness’. I went to 14 areas of the UK from Sheffield to Hackney, and recorded conversations with people about the power of kindness. I wanted to share stories and highlight individuals who are doing great things, giving that one thing that you can’t get more of, which is their time, and they’re doing it completely for free. It’s always been important to me to make as much of a difference as I can and I’m hoping through the documentary that I can raise awareness of the kindness and brilliance that’s happening in our communities across the UK.
Which takes me back to the coffee shop, it’s a priority for us to have a ‘pay it forward model’ which means every time anyone buys a coffee, one goes into our ‘suspended coffee scheme’ where we can offer a free coffee (and chat) to anyone who needs it or who’s feeling isolated. Just some ordinary kindness in the community.