A State Of Flow
Image credit: www.vessives.com
When Mark, a man whom I greatly admire asked me to write something for his blog. I thought “hell yes, it’ll be an honour”. I asked him what was his deadline and he said “a week”. Great, I thought. I have time to gather my thoughts and write something profound.
And then I froze. I couldn’t even put my un-manicured Covid-19 solo-isolation nails to the keyboard and type something. If you know anything about me it’s seldom that I’m at a loss for words, and yet, the seemingly simple task of writing what gives me a reason to be cheerful stumped me. The week deadline looming and I started to panic. “Shit what must Mark think?” and then I caught myself. Getting back into old habits of self critique, imposter syndrome and anxiety.
I know Mark and the last thing he would want to think is that I’m panicking over writing something for his blog and yet I did. And it was that thought there that flipped the switch. The knowledge slightly deeper inside of me on this particular afternoon that made me tell myself to pull myself together. Stop waiting for the right inspiration, the right time of day, the right message, just start. So that’s what I’ve done with this post.
What makes me cheerful is to be in a state of flow. I used to think that I could only really achieve that through dancing, going to a flotation tank or some other activities that are probably best not shared on this page. But, this pandemic has reminded me that flow comes from the inside, not external factors. That if I let go and trust myself then I may just surprise myself.
I’m currently shielding in London in the UK (this means no human contact or people in the same proximity for the foreseeable future). It’s been tough, as person who loves to hug, I’m desperately experiencing skin hunger, the touch of another human, it does something to the endorphins, but when you don’t know when you’re going to be able to touch another human you have some thought love choices to make. Wallow, or suck it up and work out how to make that shit happen for yourself.
I have a visceral relationship with music, sometimes a synaesthesic relationship. I can experience music, each note as different colours or vibrations in different parts of my body. Music is one of the things that in the past I used to help me achieve a sense of flow. I would dance with complete abandon and sometimes feel as though I had entered a trance.
As the song lyrics say “music is my sanctuary” and so I created a playlist of what I’ve called audible hugs, music that I experience in many dimensions, through most of my senses, that makes me feel as though I’m being hugged from the inside. And for now, this is what makes me cheerful during this lockdown. Listen to it here.
Adah Parris
Futurist, cultural strategist, keynote speaker, artist.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/adahparris/
https://www.adahparris.com/
https://www.ism.earth/